Different Messages

Monday, July 9, 2012
Another man was on the elevator when I got on this morning on the way to work. He was also middle-aged, as I like to describe myself. However, he was about 5'6", 140 pounds; no chance that we would be mistaken one for the other. What interested me was his T-shirt which read San Francisco XXL. Now, he was not swimming in this T-shirt. It fit him quit well, so there was no chance that the shirt had ever been properly descriptive, and that bothered me as a genuine XXL. Were I to be hastily looking for a T-shirt and grabbed this San Francisco XXL, I might wind up embarrassing myself, shocking bystanders and destroying a T-shirt. If you can’t trust a T-shirt, what can you trust?

Can you trust Andrew Zimmern, chef and food writer, who identifies his Top 10 Places to Eat Asian Food in NYC in the current Food & Wine magazine (thanks to Cindy W.M. for the reference)? We differ immediately because Zimmern encompasses all of the Big Apple, while I restrict myself to its Chinatown core. Nevertheless, we converge at places.

His list:
Congee Bowery Restaurant & Bar, 207 Bowery (Chinese)
Xi’an Famous Foods, 67 Bayard Street (although the article links to the no-seat 88 East Broadway location) (Chinese)
Dim Sum Go Go, 5 East Broadway (Chinese)
Jewel Bako, 239 East 5th Street (Japanese)
Sushi Yasuda, 204 East 43rd Street (Japanese)
Bar Chuko, 552 Vanderbilt Avenue, Brooklyn (Japanese)
Momofuku Noodle Bar, 171 First Avenue (Japanese)
Kum Gang San, 49 West 32nd Street (Korean)
Minangasli, 86-10 Whitney Avenue, Flushing (Indonesian)
Kin Shop, 469 Sixth Avenue (Thai)

Xi’an and Go Go have warranted repeated visits by me, and are unquestionably in metropolitan Chinatown. I admit to missing Congee Bowery, a sister to Congee Village, 100 Allen Street (August 15, 2011) and Congee Chinese Restaurant, 98 Bowery (May 9, 2011). My rationale, or excuse if you wish, is Congee Bowery’s location, which according to Google maps is .8 miles away, but two blocks north of Delancey Street. In fact, Congee Village has been the furthest reach of my lunch hour explorations, at .9 miles, but still south of Delancey Street. If this makes no sense to you, rent "Crossing Delancey," the 1988 romantic comedy starring Amy Irving, which the New York Times reviewed under the headline “Learning to Appreciate a Mr. Right Who Sells Pickles and Tells Jokes.”

Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Today’s paper reports that 70 Stuyvesant High School students were involved in a pattern of smartphone-enabled cheating during a citywide language exam on June 18. Cellphones are officially not permitted in city schools, and when officials looked into a 16-year-old junior’s phone, they found a trail of text messages, including photos of test pages, that suggested pupils had been sharing information about exams while they were taking them. All the students involved will have to retake the exams, and some have been notified "that some of their class privileges, including the right to leave school for lunch or be members of school leadership organizations like the Student Union, an important college résumé-building activity, would be revoked." The Times says that the disseminator of the information and four others may face suspension. Here’s where I suspend my credentials as a wishy-washy liberal and show some Old Testament vengeance. First, the kid who sent the images – out. Second, recipients of the messages who responded (and that’s how the other 69 were identified) positively ("Thanks, bro.") – out. Third, recipients of the messages who responded negatively ("No way.") – retake the exam and then leave it alone. Fourth, recipients of the messages who responded ambiguously ("Wassup with this?") – retake the exam and 20 hours in an ethics course. Of course, there is no way to prevent the most culpable from eventually leading global financial enterprises.

Yahoo flashed a blurb this morning for the One Quality of Happy Marriages and I won’t argue with their choice of Empathy. However, I was taken by the byline on the linked article: Julie Hanks, LCSW, is Sharecare Now's #1 Online Depression Influencer.

Sharecare Now apparently is a web site devoted to Q&A about health issues. But, how about Julie’s title? Actually, I think I know several depression influencers, but I never regarded that as a compliment. And, how would you feel coming in #2? Wouldn’t that be depressing?

Wednesday, July 11, 2012
S.J. Perelman said, "I don’t know much about medicine, but I know what I like." I share this point of view and, fortunately, have America’s Favorite Epidemiologist nearby to examine and explain medical information that may be relevant to me. However, I have noted a favorable health trend even by my inexpert standards. The number of cancer-ridden African widows seems to have declined sharply. I’m not sure whether better hygiene and sanitation, early detection, anti-retroviral drugs and/or prayer have made the difference, but I rarely hear from these desperate folk who merely seek to arrange in their waning days to share their wealth with those who are not now and never have been employed by Bain Capital.

On the other hand, my Spam filter caught this gem recently:

Order Notification,
E-TICKET / EH151194395
SEAT / 42F/ZONE 1
DATE / TIME 23 JUNE, 2012, 09:25 PM
ARRIVING / Des Moines
FORM OF PAYMENT / XXXXXX
TOTAL PRICE / 222.66 USD
REF / KE.2398 ST / OK
BAG / 7PC
Your ticket is attached.
To use your ticket you should print it.
Thank you for your attention.
Delta Air Lines.

Attached was a file which I left untouched. While I may begrudgingly credit these Spamster Scamsters for some of their devious ploys, I was disappointed to think that they imagined that I would risk the sanctity of my computer system by the lure of a ticket to Des Moines. Come on. If they have been reading my e-mail lately, they know I’ve been to Asia and the Middle East this year so far. Wouldn’t it be more appropriate to try to seduce me with a ticket to Sydney, Buenos Aires, Tokyo, Capetown or Sofia? And, in case my wanderlust was at a heightened state and I was ready to go just about anywhere, I checked and found out that Delta does not fly non-stop to Des Moines from any New York area airport. I’d have to change in Detroit, Atlanta, Memphis or Minneapolis/St. Paul, with 5 hours and 10 minutes as the shortest elapsed time for the journey, airport-to-airport. Better luck next time.

Friday, July 13, 2012
"This has the potential to ruin you completely" was the subject line of another recent E-mail message that I received, which continued:

Hello alanonthewestside,
I have a proof that you broke into my email and stole my private photos and financial information. It can be clearly seen in the files attached to this message. If you don’t respond within 48 hours I will have to report you.

BrandenRathkeoighy@gmail.com was my correspondent. Of course, the gentleman is unknown to me and I had no inclination to open the attached files, which, I suspect, would have set back the course of information technology at the courthouse several semesters. I could not resist, however, sending a reply, to wit: To whom will you be reporting me? I’d like to dress appropriately for the occasion.

This morning, Yahoo’s 10" long error message arrived informing me that my attempt at dialogue with Branden has failed. After all, it is Friday the Thirteenth.