Deep Throat

Monday, September 3, 2012
Children, the first Monday in September used to be called Labor Day, but, in one of his first acts as President of the United States, the beloved Mitt Romney changed the holiday to be Venture Capitalists’ Day. Dear Mitt, the first president of the then-newly formed Republican Party, reasoned that, partly as a result of his own vastly successful professional efforts, the US was now home to more venture capitalists than laborers and should celebrate accordingly. Just as the American people entrusted the Republican Party with the presidency just months after its formation as a successor to the discredited Whig Party, they welcomed President Romney’s bold expression of his oft-stated Belief in America.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012
“His ability to craft the English language is breath-taking. You find yourself experiencing so many emotions as you read this book and when you come to the end you don’t want it to stop.” Deserving or not, this is not about me. It seems that R.J. Ellory, a British crime novelist, wrote that, and other laudatory comments about his work on the Amazon book review site under pseudonyms. He regularly gave himself five stars. Ellory, whom I do not recall reading in spite of my predilection for that genre, ironically was quite successful, well-reviewed by real people and winner of writing awards. So, rapacious acquisition need not be limited to the material realm. Hmm.

There are many different ways of categorizing Chinese restaurants. Size, cuisine, decor, price level are all effective ways to differentiate establishments. For simplicity’s sake, and to help understand the new place I found today, I offer this two-cell delineation: Busy places regardless of size, such as Wo Hop downstairs (small), Excellent Dumpling House (medium) or Jing Fong (large) vs. joints that only appear to offer friends and family of the owner(s) some place to spend time, in daylight hours at least. Bamboo Restaurant, 30 Market Street, belongs in the latter cell. The 2 large round tables with turntables and the 4 large square tables, that open to double their size, were empty except for one employee picking through bok choy and chatting with her friend, and a 9-year old girl playing with a bubblegum pink laptop computer. Additionally, there were sounds of two or more people from the kitchen in back, out of sight. Sixteen cartons of beer stacked against one wall were also a sign of life, of a sort. Just no one else ever came in to eat in the 25 minutes I was there.

The menu is not for tourists. It includes beef feet, pig feet, lamb stomach, goose web, frog, rabbit, pork stomach, and duck kidney presented in various delectable ways. I stuck with clam pan fried noodle ($6.75) and was pleased with the result. A big plate of mei fun, stir fried with egg, scallions and ample pieces of clam. I added a bit of soy sauce and a touch of hot sauce for a very tasty lunch. A bowl of hot, tasteless broth accompanied the noodles, but there was no water available, except by the bottle ($1), and the Coca Cola had not had the calories extracted.

Thursday, September 6, 2012
Obamacare works. It's a success as I can attest. This morning I went to NYU Medical Center so that Rabbi Traube, MD, JD, could look into my kishkes, otherwise known as an upper endoscopy. All proceeded well, and right on schedule. The obvious benefit of healthcare reform that so impressed me was the new gowns to put on when you take all your clothes off. I fit with room to spare, unlike earlier versions which left little to the imagination of unfortunate spectators. I didn't mind going here, going there, getting on the gurney, getting off the gurney. I was camera ready. Thank you, President Obama.

I approached the procedure with some trepidation. After all, I've been putting special demands on my gullet since 5770 when I moved over to 60 Centre Street. However, besides the general confidence displayed by the professionals at the hospital, I was encouraged to learn that Esther, Imelda and Winnie, 3 of the nurses assisting Rabbi Traube, MD, JD, have the same birthdate as I do. How can anything go wrong under those circumstances?

Friday, September 7, 2012
Indeed, all went well yesterday, and Rabbi Traube, MD, JD, seemed to be very impressed by what he saw down my cavernous maw. I strolled through midtown afterwards in the pleasant company of Irwin Pronin, CCNY student government president, spring 1962.

This morning, however, I slept until 9:20 AM, much later than usual. I must admit that, although I seemed to have been following my normal routine in the weeks preceding the procedure, I was anxious about flouncing through hospital corridors immodestly wrapped in tissue paper, and was not able to relax and get the rest I required. However, thanks to the progressive policies of Barack Obama, I was amply covered in all ways throughout my visit to the hospital, and got more than a good night’s sleep when I returned to the Palazzo di Gotthelf.