Saturday, December 7, 2024

It Only Hurts When I Laugh

Saturday, November 30, 2024 
A museum in Marseille, France is holding an exhibit on nudism. On certain days, clothing is optional for attendees. The New York Times conveniently provides a picture at the exhibition. Cherchez la femme?

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Yesterday, in Philadelphia, the New York Rangers lost their fifth hockey game in a row, something that had not happened for a long time and very unexpected early in a season following one where they had more wins than any other team in the National Hockey League. Undeterred, Gentleman Jerry and I headed to Madison Square Garden for a matinee match today against the Montreal Canadiens, with the incentive of free food and drinks in the lounge run by a major bank. We ate well, antipasto skewers with cheese, olives, meat; ziti in a creamy garlic sauce; cheese pierogies; “Chicken Vodka Parm Spring Rolls”. Diet Pepsi flowed freely.

The game proceeded successfully, as well. Rangers won, 4-3, the winning goal scored with 22 seconds left.
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The evening’s entertainment was less suspenseful, but far more amusing. “Eureka Day” is a dramedy centered on a progressive private school in Berkeley, California facing a mumps outbreak. It captures the contorted attempts to avoid offending any parent, including those espousing science-free theories. The delightful Jessica Hecht leads the cast in her usual outstanding fashion.

Sunday, December 1, 2024
While nudists may save some money on clothing, it probably would not be enough to move them into the most expensive real estate in the United States, based on the median price of listed properties for sale.

Atherton, California, with the dubious distinction of being the most expensive Zip code, is just north of Palo Alto and Stanford University and shelters many tech gazillionaires not yet arrested for cooking the books. 

The overall picture is of a country awash with expensive properties. Even Benton County, Arkansas, the least expensive Zip code has a median list price of $408,403. That’s a lot of money in a state that has a minimum wage of $11 per hour. In other words, it would only take less than 38,000 hours to afford this Arkansas bargain.

Monday, December 2, 2024
8420 Hudson South is my temporary new address. It’s a room with a view directly over the Hudson River and slightly to the left of the George Washington Bridge in the Milstein Hospital at the Columbia (you’ll pardon the expression) Presbyterian Medical Center. I’m here for the next few days to be tested for hydrocephalus, water on the brain, according to several neurologists. 

Evaluation and testing began shortly after I got into my room. I had to remember numbers and words, backwards, forwards. I liked the part where I had to identify pictures of animals. I insisted that they all looked like Donald Trump. The real business began after lunch, that is if they had allowed me to eat lunch. What followed was more than two hours of ouch, OUch; OUCH! as they inserted a drain in my spine.

My dear wife was here when I returned to my room, as I am sure she will be in the next few days, her support a vital element in my recovery.

Tuesday, December 3, 2024
Every four hours, morning, noon and night, the spigot inserted in my back is turned on making me the human equivalent of a sugar maple tree, brimming with sap. While the sleep intervals would be very welcome, they are constantly disturbed by the hospital’s soundtrack of never ending bings, bongs, dings, dongs, pings, rings, chirps, buzzes, beeps, bleeps, chimes, peals and squeals.
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I wish Joe Biden had kept his promise to not pardon his son, dwarfed, however, by his implicit promise to run for only one term as president, “I view myself as a transition candidate.” 

I consider it foolish, though, to criticize his behavior in light of the actual and promised conduct of the 45th/47th president. At any other time in American history, Biden would be deservedly condemned, but with the clown show returning to town, this mistake should disappear as will the recognition of his accomplishments.
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I will not bother discussing the hospital meals now that I have had a few served and fewer eaten. I don’t expect chicken as good as Popeyes, French toast as good as B&H’s, roast beef as good as Smith & Wollensky’s or desserts as good as Magnolia Bakery’s. I’m in the bloody hospital, not on vacation.

Wednesday, December 4, 2024
I have previously dwelled on the cost of residential real estate in the Holy Land and parking spaces, as well. Some other items also reach stratospheric heights, for example private secondary school tuition. The Dalton School, on the Upper East Side, charges $64,300. Charitably, tuition assistance is offered even for families with hefty six-figure incomes.
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It’s a cliché of politics that the extreme right and the extreme left often mirror each other. The same also holds for religious couture. “For women, this [ban] includes wearing tight clothes and outfits that expose the body below the neck, above the ankles, and above the forearms.” Jerusalem? No, Tehran. https://www.cnn.com/2024/12/04/middleeast/iran-chastity-law-dress restrictions-intl?cid=ios_app

Thursday, December 5, 2024
My good friend Larry Storrs just had knee surgery. Here is what he wrote me: “By the way, in my stay at the hospital and rehab place I noticed a lot of immigrants treating me and I began to ask what countries they were from.  I compiled a list of 30 countries, with many from Philipines, El Salvador, India.  Here is my list:  India, Canada, Dom Republic, Sierra Leone, Uganda, Nigeria, Georgia (former part of USSR), Cameroon, China, former Yugoslavia or BosniaHerzebonia, Korea, Peru, Venezuela, Colombia, Jamaica, Ethiopia, Egypt, Indonesia, Nepal, Togo, Liberia, Ireland (one of the doctors born in U.S. but citizen of Ireland), Congo, Zambia, Ivory Coast, Iran, and Taiwan.” 

I have not been as thorough as Larry over the last 3-1/2 days, but the diversity of my hospital’s staff was evident, too. On the other hand, “America is for Americans and Americans only” says Trump advisor Stephen Miller. https://youtu.be/uMUq40wzfP4
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Home, sweet home. Stony Brook Steve was kind enough to ferry me, because America’s Favorite Epidemiologist had committed months ago to give a speech about, of all things, Epidemiology.

Friday, December 6, 2024
Katherine Walker Brodie can't be that old.
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Problem solved
"How One of the World’s Richest Men Is Avoiding $8 Billion in Taxes"

Today’s headline: “The ‘Chilling’ Fatal Shooting of a C.E.O. Has Business Leaders on Edge”

Not tomorrow’s headline: “Business Leaders Eliminate Harsh and Punitive Policies Targeting Consumers”

 


Friday, November 29, 2024

Thanksgetting

Saturday, November 23, 2024 
Today is November 23rd, which you don’t need me to tell you. However, today’s New York Times has at least three stories in print that appeared online days ago where I first read them. For example, there is a travel article about Canyon de Chelly (pronounced de SHAY, as the article instructs), “a web of deep sandstone gorges that encompasses trails, wildlife, ancient ruins, rock art and miles of sacred land in the heart of the Navajo Nation.” We enjoyed our visit there years ago as I recalled when I read the article on my phone on November 5th, 18 days ago.

What’s up with that? Is this a form of gaslighting?
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Lava Restaurant a/k/a Lava Shawarma, 12 West 23rd Street, although a casual place, takes its Arabic character seriously. The large, high-ceilinged room uses fabrics that might come from a desert tent. Arabic music plays at a pleasant level in the background. Two large screens show travelogue videos of Petra, the ancient city in southern Jordan that was lost for centuries under shifting sands. A proper seeming Arab military officer circulates, pouring mint tea. As a universal touch, one large expanse of painted white brick wall has the word Welcome written in almost every conceivable language.
 
You order at the counter and the food is delivered to your table. I had an 8” wrap containing shaved beef and lamb, tomato, onion and tahini, cut into seven pieces, with a small portion of lightly-seasoned French fries ($18). As-salamu alaykum.

Sunday, November 24, 2024
The Holy Land is by far the most visited American city.

Combine this with the wave of refugees bussed here by our compassionate, Christian brethren in Texas, occupying 11% of available hotel space, and we are close to pulling in the welcome mat from tourists.
Room rates are sky high, averaging $417 in September, “the highest monthly rate ever recorded in the city by CoStar, a real estate analytics company, since it started tracking the data in 1987.”
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Maybe I am underestimating the financial condition of our visitors. If they are fellow patriots, they seem to be sitting pretty in many cases. Near 11% of owner-occupied homes across the nation’s 50 largest metropolitan area were valued at $1 million or more in 2023.

Reflecting this level of luxury, American hotel rooms (and their bathrooms) generally are larger than European ones.
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My narrow sense of humor has no room for puns. So, it was only the menu that drew me to Dark Side of the Moo, 339 West 44th Street. It was loaded with interesting sandwiches or it would have been if it were still in business. Directly across the street and still operating was Vanilla Gorilla Cafe, 332 West 44th Street, one of two local sites, recently expanded to Lisbon, Portugal. 

I ordered the Ultimate Breakfast Sandwich, scrambled eggs, white Cheddar cheese, bacon, tomatoes and hot sauce on a grilled rectangular roll ($10.95), a very good late breakfast treat. I accompanied this with a Gorilla Chilla Mocha, a frozen chocolate coffee concoction, inappropriate for my age group ($6.65).

Monday, November 25, 2024
Maybe I’m slow, but I just learned that there is an American TV Game Show Hall of Fame.

If it had to be anywhere, it would be in Las Vegas.
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While the end of the year ushers in family holidays and, presumably, the joy attached to them, it also inundates us with Best Of lists. I am a list person, I don’t deny it. However, lists of movies, restaurants, beach tents (https://travel.usnews.com/features/best-beach-tents), hearing aids, books, skin care (https://www.allure.com/story/best-of-beauty-skin-care-product-winners-2024), plays, recipes, songs, toys, television shows, nerdy gifts (https://gizmodo.com/the-best-nerdy-gifts-of-2024-2000530285), pod casts, advertisements, and on and on, make you dizzy if you are at all conscientious about keeping up to date. I will try to be judicious in choosing which to cite and not necessarily nitpick the selections.

Tuesday, November 26, 2024
Mother Ruth Gotthelf neé Goldenberg was born 115 years ago today.

Wednesday, November 27, 2024
America’s Loveliest Nephrologist and the Oakland Heartthrob arrived to celebrate Thanksgiving with us and we had the opportunity to have lunch together. I suggested Pastrami Queen, 136 West 72nd Street, because Kosher delicatessen has supposedly been banned in the Bay Area as a Eurocentric form of settler colonialism. 

Properly chagrined, I ordered a corned beef/roast beef combination on rye bread, which was accompanied by a portion of creamy potato salad ($29.50). The sandwich was so large that I took half home for dinner. Dr. Brown’s Diet Black Cherry was my beverage of choice. 

Thursday, November 28, 2024
Palazzo di Gotthelf sits 1,584 feet from the route of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, which has been the most watched television entertainment show for the last three years. 

I must confess, however, that I have never walked that 3/10 of a mile during my entire residency at this location nor have I watched any of the proceedings on television. The former is far less forgivable than the latter. As a boy, my father would take us from Brooklyn to the parade, our neighborhood in Brooklyn just about the farthest distance from midtown Manhattan. I don’t remember if we drove, something inconceivable today, or took the subway, the legendary “A” train originating 3-1/2 blocks from where we lived. Today, a cold rain provides a handy excuse.

Memories of the television broadcast are far less pleasant. Typically, after a minute or two of the live event, an overly cheery personality, often a game show host or a weather person, would interview cast members of some struggling show on the same network or introduce a lip-synched number from a current Broadway show. These episodes were not part of the actual parade and people in attendance were spared their banality.
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Except for washing a few dishes, I made no contribution to the wonderful Thanksgiving meal that my young bride served to our family members from near and far. In fact, my inability to carve a turkey makes me a net minus at the Thanksgiving table.

The entirely homemade menu:
Butternut squash soup
Aunt Judi's meatballs in a sweet and sour sauce with Israeli couscous
Artichoke, olives, onions and tomatoes salad
Roast turkey (I always get a drumstick)
Challah stuffing with mushrooms and chestnuts 
Sweet potato soufflé with maple syrup and pecans
Spinach and mushroom strudel
Chocolate chip mandelbrot